Ridiculous

I hope everyone had a good Christmas!

We returned from our tour de Missouri last night. I think the kids have had way too much Christmas. The meltdowns started Christmas morning. Its 8:30am and Piper Ann is still in bed. She never sleeps this late.

We spent much of Christmas morning untwisting plastic coated metal wires. I know its kind of cliche to complain about the packaging on toys, because everyone goes through it. But, seriously. It took Ricardo about 25 minutes to get Piper Ann’s castle out of the box. I think next year I’m going to be the queen of giftbags. I’m going to open everything after I buy it, so I don’t have to spend Christmas morning untwisting. Hopefully they won’t want to return anything.

Ahhhh!

I’m in stress out freak out mode.

Today: Nathan’s Christmas party at school. I’m in charge. Need plates. Be there at 9:30. 9:17, no plates at World Market (but lots of wine!). 9:19, not bringing Dora plates from Toys R Us. Scrap plates.

5:30, take Nathan and fam to favorite Mexican restaurant because Ricardo couldn’t get away from work for party.

7:45, have neighbor follow Ricardo to Midas, because after brake job, wheels sound like they could fall off anytime.

Tomorrow, 8:30, walk to work. Can’t fit all five of us in Jeep Wrangler.

9 am-3pm, work. Hopefully will be busy.

10am, Ricardo takes kids shopping to find last minute gift for inlaws.

5pm order pizza for kids.

5:30 pm, babysitter arrives.

5:45 pm, leave for work Christmas party (mine, not Ricardos. Multi Billion dollar companies don’t have Christmas parties.)

12 am ish. Come home.

Sunday. Wake up at 6:45, because kids never let us sleep in after a night out.

9am: Do aunt and cousins hair (pray to the lord I don’t get beer shits at work)

12pm clean, because “Santa won’t bring toys if he sees how you treat yours.”

pm: Get together with friends.

Monday: Try to avoid any store.

1:30 dress kids for church.

2, leave for 30 minute drive to friends church

4:30 go to friends for Christmas eve dinner

8:00 drive home, so Santa can come.

Pack

Tuesday

7ish? wake up, open presents, eat breakfast,  shower, pack car with luggage and gifts.

11:00 drive 1 hour to cousins house for Christmas

4-5 pmish, leave cousins house. Drive 3 hours to in laws house.

7-8pm arrive at inlaws.

8pm open presents.

10pm eat dinner.

Wed 7am, wake up.

11am have lunch with inlaws. 12:30 take kids back to inlaws for a nap, Ricardo goes to bar. 4 pm? Drive Ricardo’s drunk ass back to St. Louis for 3 hours.

7pm arrive at home. Drink 3 bottles of wine.

Thursday

1am, take aspirin and drink water.

7am wake up, Ricardo goes to work.

3pm, go to work

Friday, Friends come from Michigan!!!?!!!!

So, you’ll have to forgive me if you don’t hear from me for a while. I’ll try my hardest.

I Love a Countdown

Vh1 is counting down the greatest songs of the 90’s. I love it. Its like a walk down memory lane through junior high, high school, some college and even dating my husband. (wow, I did a lot in a decade).

What do you think the number one song “smells like,” I mean will be?

Go Conrad

We all have goals, right? You know bring world peace, lead a happy and prosperous life, not mess up our kids too bad.

Here Is Ricardo’s.

Crank That

When I went back to Chicago for my 10 year highschool reunion, my sister told me about a song that was banned from her homecoming dance. She explained the song to me and I exclaimed, “I hate that freakin’ song.” She laughed and said that there is a dance that goes along with the song as well. If I could actually understand what they were saying, I would here a lot of nasty things.

If you don’t know the song, go here.

So for Christmas she made my kids a CD. They love music, especially the Dropkick Murphys. As a joke she put “Crank That” on it. I sighed when I heard it, but thought I can just skip that song when it comes on.

While I was cleaning upstairs this morning, they were listening to their CD downstairs. Nathan turned up the volume, which was fine. Just as I let out a big “ugh” as the song starts to play, there’s a knock on the door. I figured it was just the UPS man or something. No, its my neighbor. She’s probably thinking…”starting them out young on the hip hop, eh? I was embarrassed, but really didn’t feel the need to explain myself.

Don’t get my wrong. I like a little hip hop here and there, but you can keep Crank That.

Wii

This summer Ricardo bought a Wii. I was like “woo hoo, just what you need another video gaming system.” I was getting patio furniture, so I thought he should get something too.

I’ve come to actually like the Wii. You would never catch me playing it by myself, but I like it when I play it. The best game is bowling. I’ve actually beat Ricardo once. Its a fun thing to do when other couples come over.

So,  last week they were giving away free video games at his work for a system we don’t own.  Ricardo took it anyway thinking I could sell it on ebay or whatever. A coworker of his took it to Walmart and they gave her store credit. He did the same thing on Sunday, but came home with Guitar Hero III. Of course he had to drive to a Walmart 30 minutes away, because its a hot commodity this year.

After he hooked it up and started playing he got booed off the stage. He handed me the “hammer,” and I too got booed off the stage. Next, his turn, booed again. Next my turn. Finished the song and set a record.

Obviously since then he’s almost mastered every song, blah, blah, blah. It just warms my heart to know that I kicked his butt in the beginning and if I played as much as he does I’d be better than him!

Meme Update

A while ago I filled out a Christmas meme. One of the questions was “what’s the most annoying thing about this time of year?” I finally realized what that is. It happens all year long, but I’m at the mall more often at this time of year than any other so I encounter it more often.

I absolutely cannot stand the Israeli people who stand at their kiosk armed with lotion bottles. Not that I have nothing against Israeli’s, but they always make it a point to let me know that they are from Israel and they’ve brought some magic salts from the Dead Sea that are going to magically moisturize and youthen (I know that’s not a word) my hands. I don’t think its any different than the salt scrubs you buy in a jar, but these cost $50.

Everytime I walk by they smile and hold up their bottled fountain of youth. I say, “no thanks.” Then they say, “can I ask you a question?” I’ve learned to say no. If you don’t they will ask you if your nails are natural. They ask this because they will proceed to give you their speech if you have natural nails.

My advice to you is lie and say their fake. Mineral oil will cause your nails to lift if you put it on your hands that’s why they ask.

My favorite part about this is that you decline on your way out. They don’t remember your face, so you have to deal with the tilted head, fake grin, and bottle being lifted like a dagger ready to attack your hands.

I think today was a record

I took the kids to the mall today to get a few gifts. I think today I was told “you have your hands full,” 6 times. I think it is a record.

Crest Spin Brush

I finally gave in last week and bought an electronic toothbrush. I’d been putting it off forever. I liked my manual brush, but there’s so much hype about better dental hygiene through batteries. I thought I’d give it a try.

So I proceeded to wet brush, paste brush, wet brush again, insert into mouth and start brushing. My usual steps. Now I have to add “turn on brush” in there too. I’m tentative to this step, because I fear toothpaste is going to splatter all over the walls and already toothpaste dotted mirror. It doesn’t. As I lay the humming tool against my teeth. It seems as though it is going to knock them all loose. My teeth are so sensitive to the vibrations that I can hardly finish, but I have to. I threw my other brush away and Ricardo has a more top of the line tooth loosener.

I continue to use this horrendous thing thinking the brain rattling is somehow beneficial to my dental hygiene.  If not for the bristles, surely this vibrating stick could be put to better use.

When I need to replace this one, I’ll be returning to the manual type. It burns more calories!

Picture

This is the Christmas card picture that should have, but didn’t quite make it to distribution.